Confronting With Courage, Compassion, and Skill


The problem named is the problem solved. – Pat Murray



Preparation: Write your opening statement and practice saying it. Out loud. In 60 seconds or less. Your opening statement should:


  • Name the issue.
  • Select a specific example that illustrates the behavior or situation you want to change.
  • Describe your emotions around this issue.
  • Clarify why this is important – what is at stake to gain or lose for you, for others, for the team or organization.
  • Identify your contribution(s) to this problem.
  • Indicate your wish to resolve the issue.
  • Invite your partner to respond.




  • Inquire into your partner’s views. Use paraphrasing and perception check. Dig for full understanding; don’t be satisfied on the surface. Make sure your partner knows that you fully understand and acknowledge his/her position and interest.




  • What was learned? Where are we now? What is needed for resolution? What was left unsaid that needs saying? Have we moved? What is our new understanding? How can we move forward from here, given this new understanding?
  • Make a new agreement and have a method to hold each other accountable for it.




What the hell – you might be right, you might be wrong…but don’t just avoid. Katherine Hepburn


Be courageous. It’s one of the only places left uncrowded. Anita Roddick


Action is the antidote to despair. Joan Baez


Confronting With Courage